The Meadows — Sarah Apollonia

THE MEADOWS ARE ONLY EVER AS GOOD AS THE LOVE YOU LONG FOR WITHIN THEM

I’ve got an insatiable soul beginning

I’m a songbird begging to fly straight towards the sun

I could die in the heat of some moments

(bursting into flames, my ashes would fall lazy back down to earth)

I interrupt myself, constantly

I feel the process of my life start again

immediately redirect myself back into the numbing

allow myself to get cornered

and pretend that I still don’t dream

I loved someone once

and he loved me so freely

I gave myself up generously and saw angels in the sky

with him, or rather in his presence,

because for the first

and last

time someone adored me habitually

richly

he loved me so freely

because he knew I’d one day leave

he gave me permission to break my own heart

and since then I’ve grown insatiable

I’m afraid of my dreams now

they take me away from my love, every shade of green we touched

August gave me a man who knew the Pleiades well

so that I’d always look for them in the Autumn sky

call it the first

and last

time I try to freeze time

in the mountains and valleys and meadows

that are only ever as good as the love you long for within them

a love that sets you free so often,

the breaking point becomes a home

I looked down from the San Francisco peaks and knew

not all of the world was below me

he holds onto my heart in a place much safer

and my soul remains the same