The Future — Sarah Apollonia

THE FUTURE

“Grief is just love with no place to go” - Jamie Anderon

(I held in a moment on a rainy beach and decided to build my life around this feeling)

When you told me my life was long, extending up and outwards, a rush of spring and wind filled up my lungs.

When you said you came to hear me sing, I saw the future, glimpses of sun shower. My honey filled future. A love that bounces off of glass windows and into the doorway, crystallized light. It’s light and sweet like coffee, forgiving like birdsong in March. It arrives like a mourning dove at dawn and waits patiently until dusk. I want to start each day the same, a menthol and some paper and you by my side.

I’ll hold off on cigarettes until somebody new, so we can blacken our lungs together

I know all we’ll ever be concurrent in is obsolete

Call it the only love we’ve ever known and ever could dream of

(I look to the future, my honey filled future,

Filled with long life but sweet and sticky with grief)

I took a deep breath and went for the sand

I opened my eyes, and you were no longer here

It seemed like a year’s proof of living had disappeared

Lacking reason, all I have are choices when the same things still tempt me backwards

(I asked God for some sweetness and He left me a clean slate)

So I take to the water, floating on salt

If it burns the parts of my soul I left open for you, I’ll smile at the sting

My love was patient, it always will be

My heart will be full without my skin growing weak

I saw the future, and in it I dream more easily