In My Mind I Saw Parallel Graves

In My Mind I Saw Parallel Graves

in the breaks of daylight there’s still a love language I can speak it

breaths out a bitter state of mind lukewarm daydreams fading

let my anger fall hazy I pray for renewal, my mind to be clearer, more forgiving, I wonder if I’m naive, would he have ever asked to hear me sing, how can I make my heart pure again, will I ever be see through, now I don’t have to defend my being why I dream why I cry, it's not needed anymore nobody’s upset at all, my love, my love, my love

I believe that in time my memory will settle under the ground where he first found me, in a place before he spoke to me like love was nothing but a duty, God first and God’s plan only, at one point I thought he made an antidote out of me until I must have worn him out or something, I can’t resent him when my head sounds like

where does his care come from what does he dream about why does his voice make it hard for me to speak sometimes it feels so good going fast but baby can’t sit still with me this can’t be the rest of our lives, look at ourselves

we are licking wounds and sucking venom In a season flying by I felt something growing something accelerating in the rush of bender after bender and heart palpitations and the sick possibility of bearing a child meanwhile

our futures fly towards us cracking windshields and blinding driver seat eyes

our skin scraped down to bone

pavement chips would be dug into faces reconstructed by glass and then who could tell our limbs apart

live fast die young go fast risk everything

and meanwhile, coat life in thick layers of indifference until

you speak like a man and I know you aren’t afraid to die

I know,

you cough often and let your voice harden to prove it

I saw

paralleled futures paralleled graves

I know,

we must love in such a way that the other person feels free

Sarah Apollonia